Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish i was in the wii world.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
