So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
