I want to stick my p in your. b.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
