We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
