As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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