Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
BRING THE BAGELS
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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