worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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