and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Terrible idea I love it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
