You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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