I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I smell stomach acid.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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