Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
