two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
