I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So many bounce houses so little time
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
