My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
