I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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