I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
