i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
