She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
