you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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