Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
