He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
