he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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