he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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