apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
