i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
