When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
