Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
