college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
