ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
