He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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