We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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