New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
