new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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