yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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