wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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