Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
