if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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