What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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