sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
