I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
