Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
