when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
