I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
