Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
