sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
