Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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