We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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