tell your sister to shave her snatch
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
