Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
