loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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