he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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